Close Your Eyes and Dream.
11:15 PM Posted In anger , bitterness , sadness , sickness , stress Edit This 0 Comments »
My body is sick and my dad hasn't paid health insurance in God only knows how long.
My boyfriend is anxious because we haven't had sex in God knows how long.
My mother hates me at the moment.
My sister dislikes me at the moment.
See, I have been bleeding incessantly for a month and a half now. I had a birth control implant injected in my arm in October of 07, and am not supposed to have a cycle for three years. Well, lo and behold, guess what I've had for over a month now? A fucking period. Yes. A period.
Now, since I have had serious feminine medical issues in the past (which have gotten better over time) I tend to question whether or not I will ever be able to have children. I am so maternal that if this were to be true, I would: a) not feel like a woman. b) feel like a failure to James. c) hate myself. d) wonder what I did in my past Karmatic Cycle to deserve this punishment.
I would partially blame it on my mother. Yes, my mother. I feel like everytime I tell her, "mom there's something wrong with me; mom I've been bleeding for almost 2 months straight; mom I really need to see a doctor," She always says, "I can't afford it; I'm sick of hearing about female problems, Nikki had the same thing, deal with it; I'm sorry sweety."
FUCKING GOD. Why can't she just listen to me, and take me to a Goddamned doctor? My dad is supposed to pay for all medical bills for his children anyways, so why is my mom concerning herself over the money issue of it?
My mom has also been treating me like shit lately. Why? Because like she said today, "I'd trade places with you anyday." Fine mom, you can be molested by your father, and deal with the pain. You can feel like the most unwanted soul on the planet. You can have the blood coming out of my vagina. You can have a boyfriend that treats you like shit the majority of the time. You can also work full-time and goto school part-time, every single day. Go ahead.
What the fuck are my mom's issues? Oh, boohoo my dad hasn't paid child support in three months. (Good thing you fucking have CDs with a shitload of divorce settlement money on them that open in 10 days) Cry, cry, you are taking care of two small children, without a father? (It was your fucking choice to have them with a horrible man. You face the consequences.) Wah-wah, you have a puppy that wakes you up in the middle of the night and you claim to only get 5 hours of sleep because of it. (Wow, well you took the puppy as a gift, once again consequences...)
Did I CHOOSE to live with my father? No. I had no other choice.
Did I CHOOSE to witness my father trying to kill himself with cocaine? No. I had no other choice.
Did I CHOOSE to stay awake that night, for pure entertainment? No. I had no other choice.
Did I CHOOSE my father? No. That was my mom's choice.
And you see, ladies and gentlemen, once again, Erika is always right. I always win.
xxx
My boyfriend is anxious because we haven't had sex in God knows how long.
My mother hates me at the moment.
My sister dislikes me at the moment.
See, I have been bleeding incessantly for a month and a half now. I had a birth control implant injected in my arm in October of 07, and am not supposed to have a cycle for three years. Well, lo and behold, guess what I've had for over a month now? A fucking period. Yes. A period.
Now, since I have had serious feminine medical issues in the past (which have gotten better over time) I tend to question whether or not I will ever be able to have children. I am so maternal that if this were to be true, I would: a) not feel like a woman. b) feel like a failure to James. c) hate myself. d) wonder what I did in my past Karmatic Cycle to deserve this punishment.
I would partially blame it on my mother. Yes, my mother. I feel like everytime I tell her, "mom there's something wrong with me; mom I've been bleeding for almost 2 months straight; mom I really need to see a doctor," She always says, "I can't afford it; I'm sick of hearing about female problems, Nikki had the same thing, deal with it; I'm sorry sweety."
FUCKING GOD. Why can't she just listen to me, and take me to a Goddamned doctor? My dad is supposed to pay for all medical bills for his children anyways, so why is my mom concerning herself over the money issue of it?
My mom has also been treating me like shit lately. Why? Because like she said today, "I'd trade places with you anyday." Fine mom, you can be molested by your father, and deal with the pain. You can feel like the most unwanted soul on the planet. You can have the blood coming out of my vagina. You can have a boyfriend that treats you like shit the majority of the time. You can also work full-time and goto school part-time, every single day. Go ahead.
What the fuck are my mom's issues? Oh, boohoo my dad hasn't paid child support in three months. (Good thing you fucking have CDs with a shitload of divorce settlement money on them that open in 10 days) Cry, cry, you are taking care of two small children, without a father? (It was your fucking choice to have them with a horrible man. You face the consequences.) Wah-wah, you have a puppy that wakes you up in the middle of the night and you claim to only get 5 hours of sleep because of it. (Wow, well you took the puppy as a gift, once again consequences...)
Did I CHOOSE to live with my father? No. I had no other choice.
Did I CHOOSE to witness my father trying to kill himself with cocaine? No. I had no other choice.
Did I CHOOSE to stay awake that night, for pure entertainment? No. I had no other choice.
Did I CHOOSE my father? No. That was my mom's choice.
And you see, ladies and gentlemen, once again, Erika is always right. I always win.
xxx
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